Returning from winter break is always interesting and exciting. This year, as in most, the students across the School appeared rested and ready to go, although they had markedly different concerns. For example, there were numerous Kindergartners and first graders who came up to me pointing to their mouths and saying, “Dr. Piltch, look!” Each time I looked, the sight was the same: a student had lost a tooth or two and was proud of it. I heard numerous stories about tooth fairies that brought back some wonderful memories of my own children at that age.

As our youngest kids were preoccupied with their teeth, our oldest were concerned about their forthcoming exams. More than once I heard one ask another, “Are you ready for your exams?” Regardless of whether they were ready, all of them were interested in getting the exams over so they could involve themselves in the more enjoyable aspects of day-to-day life.

While these concerns are different, they speak to the appropriate development of our kids. As I thought about their growth, I found myself wondering how it really happens that a first grader, whose primary concern is the lost tooth and the tooth fairy, becomes the 12th grader thinking about exams and college. The process is long and complicated, but the time passes very quickly.

With the School’s commitment to the education of the whole child, we need to be sure that all of our students, at whatever age, develop the skills necessary to meet the challenges they face now and will face in the future. We need to help them build the foundation that will allow them to become effective adults, so that when they face a challenge they have the resolve to deal with it confidently and capably. We can only do this if we work together.

One area of life that seems to bridge the age range of students is the use of technology, which clearly dominates the lives of many of them. Many of our kids arrive as PreKers or Kindergarteners knowing how to use the computer to play games, search for some information, and communicate with others on some level. As they learn to read and get a little older, they learn to communicate better and utilize electronic communication as a means to develop and enhance relationships; instant messaging is commonplace now starting in fourth grade. As they get still older, kids get involved with blogs, and create personal websites and post pictures on such sites as MYspace.com, Facebook.com, and Webshot.com. While many of the sites that they access were developed initially with good intentions, the potential misuse of them is dangerous. Myspace.com began as a site for artists and musicians to post their work. Over time it has transformed into a place that millions of teenagers across the country access. The economic realities and implications are mind-boggling. Rupert Murdoch paid $550 million to buy MYspace.com. What do you suppose his motive is?

Many times in the past months we’ve heard of or read articles about situations in which children of all ages have compromised themselves and others through their use of the internet. Electronic bullying is something fairly new that is affecting many lives. For whatever reason, some kids feel as though they can say whatever they want on the internet without facing any consequences. There is a perceived anonymity in its use that allows users (and mis-users) to feel comfortable saying and doing things that they would never do in person. This causes trouble.

It’s not unusual for kids to join chat rooms and blogs and to create their own websites where they share information about themselves and others in similarly unaccountable ways. Here, they often say things to and about others that are at the very least inappropriate and at times rude and vulgar; students are not afraid to discuss their exploits or involvement in risky behavior or to post pictures of themselves or others that are compromising. Many do not seem to understand that once they have posted their thoughts or a picture, it is there for the whole world to see. They believe that what they type into the computer will remain anonymous and seen only by those eyes they want to see it; they appear to be free of any inhibitions about the things they post. Without any internal controls to monitor what they post, they do not seem to understand what the postings say about their decisions away from the computer (a topic for another letter) or the potential consequences of their expression. One of the problems is that the things they say can be hurtful and/or harmful; moreover, once they have written something, they can be easily tracked by strangers. The consequences can be significant.

It would be easy to discount the articles and stories saying: “Sure, but that’s the exception. It’s not my son or daughter.” Unfortunately, the articles have overlapped with emails and other communications that have been sent to me from friends and parents, sharing things that our students and others have posted that are troubling. These postings and emails have been written by good kids, ones whose moral fiber we would applaud. How do we explain this and what do we do with it?

As an educator, I am perplexed by this issue because it is one that is new. When most of us were children, our parents had some sense of the challenges we would face and the things we would do because they had faced them and done them themselves. While many of the issues that play out on the computer are similar to ones adults have faced, the medium is completely different from anything we know. The majority of our students have a far better understanding of the computer, its uses and misuses, than many of us will ever have. It becomes very difficult to understand or monitor what is happening. Moreover, because the computer can be private (requiring passwords), it is entirely possible for our kids to do virtually anything they want without our knowing it. There was a time when the most important question was: “Do you know where your child is right now?” While that question remains relevant, another needs to be addressed: “Do you know when and how your child is using the computer?” (It is not uncommon for kids to be using their computers at all hours of the day and night; this has its own level of concerns.)

While we need to trust our kids, we also have to understand their use of the computer and the internet and find a way to monitor it effectively. To accomplish this goal, it is essential to have conversations with them that reinforce our expectations of their behavior in all areas of life—including the computer. Otherwise, we risk problems and repercussions.

Here at School, we are beginning a process to educate our faculty and students in a very direct way. Rose DiBenedetto, our Director of Educational Technology, and Helen Hamlet, our Director of Student Support, are working together with others to develop educational programs for students, teachers, and parents. As we take this on, we invite you to join us in the process. Please read as much as you can on the topic so that you can be prepared to deal with the issues in a preventive manner. (I have listed below a few websites that may be helpful to you.) In addition, take us and others up on the offers of workshops. In other words, get as much knowledge as you can and seek out the help of others if you need it. We will keep you abreast of the programs we offer, and I thank you for joining us in this important endeavor.

My mother said to my eight siblings and me as we grew older, “When you were little, it was little problems….” She did not have to finish the statement; we knew the ending, and she was right: the older we get, the bigger the problem. That is the situation here. I wish that the biggest issue our kids (and parents) faced were losing a tooth, but that is not the case. The misuse of technology has much greater implications. Unfortunately, there is no computer fairy to deal with the challenge. It is up to us as a School, as teachers, and as parents and guardians to deal with it openly, directly, and collectively.

Warmest regards,
 
Steven S. Piltch
Head of School

http://www.wiredkids.org/resources/documents/pdf/parentingonline.pdf
Excellent General Guide for Parents of Younger Children

http://www.cyberbully.org/docs/cbctparents.pdf
A Parents Guide to Cyberbullying and Cyberthreats

http://www.myspace.com/misc/tipsForParents.html
MySpace Safety Tips for Parents