Spring may finally be here—it is certainly about time. Never in my wildest imagination would I have ever thought I’d be canceling school on April 16. Of course, as crazy as the weather was, the events at Virginia Tech on that morning left all of us shaking our heads and feeling numb.

With no clear explanation of this horrible crime, we are left wondering how such crises can be avoided. It is difficult to understand why if, as has been reported, this young man showed visible signs of distress, no one interceded—or at least not effectively. Clearly, it is essential at Shipley, and at all other schools, to make sure that we have appropriate plans in place in case of such an emergency; but at the heart of it, I wonder how we actually can prevent such a thing from happening.

Although there’s no way of knowing what’s inside people’s heads, the need for us to have the best possible relationships with our children/students speaks for itself. We must be open, committed, and observant, and as parents/guardians, teachers, and administrators we must work closely together. Any time someone has an issue or a concern, it needs to be addressed. It is far better to overreact than to be unprepared. Even then, there is no way of guaranteeing that tragedies will not happen. Our thoughts and prayers go out to all of the Virginia Tech community and everyone touched by this event.

As I contemplate this crisis, I am considering the nature of the interactions that I witness on a daily basis, wondering what their effect is on our kids. For example, I watched a soccer game recently where I saw a number of parents yelling at their own and other children. This should give us all pause about how, why, and when we interact with our children. Why are we out there? Is it for them or for us? I hope it is for them.

Earlier this month I received an anecdote via email from a parent about exactly this issue. It read as follows:
 
A mom is making eggs for her teenage son for breakfast. As he walks into the kitchen, he starts yelling, “Mom, don’t burn them! Careful! Careful! Don’t mess up, don’t let them burn! You’re going to mess up, Mom! Be Careful, be careful!” Finally, the mom snaps, “I know what to do! I’ve cooked eggs before.” The boy replies, “I know, Mom, I was just trying to show you what it’s like when I’m playing soccer!”

Although this is humorous, it should influence us to think about the impact of our actions and the way we treat others.

Over the past few weeks, I have been thinking about a recent event that brought my past, present, and future together in a way that gives clarity, continuity, and understanding to life. I wonder whether any of you have had such an experience.

Earlier this month, I took our oldest son to visit some colleges in New England. Although I am not ready to see him go, it’s clear that he is more than ready. On that trip I found myself near Choate-Rosemary Hall, where I began my teaching career thirty years ago. I called Suzanne, the daughter of my mentor and dearest friend from Choate, to see if she and her fiancé, Michael, could join us for dinner. She made a reservation for us at The Rustic Oak, a restaurant in North Haven, CT. When my son and I walked into the restaurant, cold sweat came over me as I recalled the many meals that I had enjoyed there with Suzanne’s parents and others many years before. It had been my favorite restaurant, and the place brought back some wonderful memories about my time at Choate. As Suzanne introduced us to Michael and we talked, she said to him, “In my eyes, Steve will always be thirty.” I smiled, recalling the days when I was thirty, and said to her without pausing, “Suzanne, you’ll always be ten!” The girlish grin that I remembered when she was younger came to her face as she thanked me and we both laughed.

Well, today Suzanne is the age that her father, Tom, was when I arrived at Choate as a twenty-two-year-old college graduate. To me, Tom, at the age of thirty-seven or thirty-eight, was much older and more mature than I ever imagined myself becoming. Out of respect for and deference to him (and because I never called my teachers by their first names), I referred to him as Dr. Generous during my first weeks at the school. This offended him, although he had his Ph.D., because he saw us as colleagues. He, more than anyone, became the person who helped shape my career. I will be forever grateful to him, his wonderful wife, Diane, and their daughters, Suzanne and Michelle, for making me part of their family. Suzanne is a vibrant, talented, sensitive, and supportive individual, but she remains younger in my mind than she is in real life. Yet, if I were starting my career today, she might well be my mentor.

Suzanne, who is no longer a little girl, enabled me to put those years in perspective as we enjoyed the meal. To think that my oldest son is now older than the little girl I knew and that she and I never missed a beat in our conversation, captures the essence of what Mufasa (from The Lion King) calls the “circle of life.” In this instance, I am grateful to have the circle move in such a happy and reinforcing manner. I can’t wait to attend Suzanne’s wedding this summer. Perhaps she, Michael, Diane, Tom, and Sunny and I will be able to enjoy a meal at The Rustic Oak. If we do, the circle will be completed.

I look forward to seeing you at the many events that the month of May will bring, and I hope the coming weeks of school bring good closure to the year and happiness to your own circle!

Warmest regards,

Steven S. Piltch
Head of School