I love this time of year. In addition to the warming of the weather and the coming of spring, it is the end of the college basketball season. For an avid fan, there is no time more exciting than the NCAA tournaments. Although there is interest in both the men’s and women’s tournaments, many more people are involved and preoccupied with the men’s tournament. Even people with only modest interest get wrapped up in the selections of teams, office pools, and the play. For some, the intensity can be mind-boggling.

On the surface, there are many factors that contribute to this phenomenon, including people’s interest in their colleges and universities, the marketing power of the media, and the financial value of the tournaments to the overall economy. The men’s tournament has become a multi-million dollar business. In addition to the millions of dollars in broadcasting rights that are paid to the NCAA and shared among its member schools, the participating schools pay millions of dollars in travel, marketing, coaching, and other expenses, and fans pay millions of dollars for tickets, travel and memorabilia. Like it or not, athletics at all levels has become far more important than makes sense. This can be seen not just in the public’s enthusiasm and the financial implications of the tournaments, but in the way we approach our children’s day-to-day participation in athletics. A telling incident just recently occurred when one of our former Phillies was banned from his daughter’s CYO basketball league because of his treatment of a referee. It has become far too common for parents to act inappropriately at youth games.

I have noted before that the problem with youth sports is rarely with the youth; more often than not, it is with us, the parents. Too many of us lack the distance, perspective, and objectivity to watch our children compete or perform without creating inappropriate expectations of them, their teams, their coaches, and the officials of their games. And, when we lose control, we may do things that embarrass our kids and ourselves. How can we avoid this?

A couple of weeks ago, as I was watching one of my sons play in a basketball game, I could feel myself reacting to every call. It was a tight game, and, of course, I wanted my son to play well and for his team to win. The tighter the game became, the more intense my feelings got. Each time a call went against him or his team, I was certain that the referees were in a conspiracy. And, conversely, when the calls went against the other team, I was sure that the refs were right. Every parent who had a child on my son’s team seemed to feel exactly as I did, and the parents on the other team felt just the opposite.

The following night, my son asked me if I would take him to watch one of his friend’s games in the same league. Although I was hesitant to take the time, it became my most important experience of the season. Not having a child in the game, I saw it from a very different perspective. I felt absolutely no tension, enjoying it for the game it was and for the skills and effort that the kids brought to it. It was clear that, though the refs made their mistakes, there was no bias in their calls. Most importantly, as I watched the kids and saw their reactions to their coaches, parents, and friends who were yelling, it was evident that the adults’ emotional reactions were not helping the kids.

As parent or coach, we want kids to hear and feel our passion, our interest, and our support. But they shouldn’t be intimidated, overwhelmed, or embarrassed by them. This is true in any area of life in which our children may be openly judged for their performance. The culture and nature of musical and dramatic performances and artistic exhibitions make it easier to control one’s reactions. Sports are different. Especially in basketball, the speed of the game, the number of referees’ judgment calls, and the informality of a gym create waves of emotional reactions seen and felt by everyone present. Controlling our reactions (particularly when we are passionate) can be very difficult. But doing so is not just a challenge; it is our responsibility.

We know that our children’s experiences in these areas have the potential to be either the very best or worst, depending on the instruction and support that they receive. Believing that it should never be the worst experience, we owe it to our kids to provide support in ways that show them how proud we are of them without embarrassing them by our own behavior. Personally, I am hoping to get through the spring season of my children’s games with a more relaxed approach. Let us enjoy the games for what they are and appreciate the kids for who they are. If we cannot do so, we should think about watching someone else’s games!

Have a great, relaxing, and renewing spring break! I look forward to seeing you on the fields and around the school.

With warmest regards,  

Steve Piltch
Head of School