Have you ever seen a bison jam? When my wife, our children, and I were in Yellowstone National Park earlier this summer, a couple of bison sat down on the road making it impossible for traffic to pass. With no place to go, people stood and watched. Incredibly, they seemed patient and understanding. They got out, looked around the corners, took in the situation, and realized there was nothing they could do about it. There was (and is) something wonderful about slowing things down. It seems to give us a greater appreciation for what is around us. Of course, this is much easier to do during a vacation, and it leaves me wondering how we can do it on a daily basis at home as the pace of things becomes more frenetic during the school year.

As always, I loved our family time, first in Yellowstone, then later in August at the beach. I was taken by the changed nature of our family games. A great family game that our kids introduced us to is Twenty-Five Words or Less. It is very similar to the old television game, Password. One player on each team is given a card identifying five items that he/she needs to describe so that teammates can identify the items. Our children approached it multi-dimensionally, based on an unstated mutual understanding of today’s pop culture, an understanding that many of us as adults are lacking. Meanwhile, my wife and I thought word-for-word in a linear fashion. It probably will not surprise you that our children won easily.
 
As we played Twenty-Five Words or Less, Scrabble, and other games well into the night, we also found ourselves glued to the TV to watch the Olympics. Though there are many contradictions embedded in the games, I look forward to watching them every four years. I love to see athletes win medals, and I have a special appreciation when Americans win; nevertheless, my greatest appreciation is for the efforts put forward by all the athletes from across the world. They are incredibly fun to watch as they strive to fulfill their dreams in such a public forum.

Each Olympics breeds its own stars. This year, one had to be impressed by Michael Phelps and his eight gold medals, Usain Bolt and his three world-record gold-medal performances, Misty May and Kerri Walsh repeating their gold medal in Beach Volleyball, and many others.

It’s natural to watch and identify with winners. Of course, medal or not, even to get to the Olympic Games is an extraordinary accomplishment. I found myself feeling empty when we and the media criticized athletes who fell short of their goals. I wondered to myself, why? While we should aim high and might like our kids to be like Michael Phelps, his accomplishments make him one of a kind. When a gymnast who falls during a team event hears that she has failed her team and her country, I wonder where our priorities and sense of perspective are. At times, we have become a nation and a world preoccupied with the outcome of the moment, forgetting that it is just a snapshot. As I watch the athletes compete, whether they win a medal or not, I wonder what will become of them. What will they do with their results? How will their performances and results help them deal with the challenges they will face in their lives to come?

In order to become an Olympic champion, one needs to learn to take risks and to deal with the disappointment of falling short. Whatever the disappointment may be, having the resilience, perseverance, and perspective to use it to grow is what competition and life are all about. This may be the reason that I take special satisfaction in watching those athletes who have overcome some form of adversity to move their accomplishments to the next level. As I watched Tai Hwan Park of South Korea win a couple of medals, including the gold in the 400 Freestyle, I smiled extra hard, remembering that in his first Olympics four years ago he fell into the water before the start of his event and was disqualified; he didn’t ever have the opportunity to swim. Imagine his disappointment that day and his ecstasy now.

I also look at Dara Torres, the 41-year-old swimmer whom we celebrate for her three silver medals. When she was touched out by .01 seconds for a gold medal, she was asked whether she would have done anything differently. With a smile, she suggested that maybe she should not have filed her nails the night before. Her message was clear: though she would love to have won the gold and was disappointed that she did not, she had done everything she could to succeed. This is one of the reasons I so enjoyed watching 16-year-old Shaun Johnson compete. Not only did she always put herself on the line, she did it with joy, poise, and grace – qualities that will take her far, long beyond her days as a gymnast. Isn’t that what it is about? Of course, that she won four medals, including a gold medal on the balance beam, made seeing her perform that much more special! 

Back at home, as I watched our Upper School teams begin their pre-season practices and thought about all of our students, I wondered what it is that we really want for them. Is it eight gold medals or the drive, motivation, determination, and resilience to strive for the medals and deal with the results, no matter what? It reminds me that as the school year begins it is important to set our goals and clarify our priorities for ourselves and our children/students. We want them to figure out those things that are important, and we need to be there to help them in the process. This brings to mind a powerful quotation that captures the importance of reaching for your dreams in everything you do: Climb High, Climb Far, Your Goal the Sky, Your Aim the Star. (Although the quotation is anonymous, it is often attributed to either Mark or Albert Hopkins, both of whom spent a significant amount of their lives at Williams College. In fact, Mark Hopkins served as the President of Williams for almost forty years.)

As we deal with the tension of transition to a new school year, we must acknowledge the angst and do what we can to help our children identify and fulfill their dreams. In order for them to find true success, we must first help them deal with and learn from disappointment and failure. Whether or not one ever gets to the star, it’s the climbing that matters. In essence, we look to help ourselves and our children live to our motto: Courage for the Deed; Grace for the Doing. Let’s spend the 2008-09 school year finding the courage and grace to reach for those stars together.

Warm Regards,

Steven S. Piltch
Head of School

P.S. I hope to see you at the All-School Barbeque on September 6th! Please see our website for specifics.