I thought I had seen it all… Over Columbus Day Weekend I went to the beach with our two younger children as my wife went on a college visit with our older son. As I got out of the car at a gas station, I noticed that the car next to us was running. There were no people in it, but two dogs were happily playing in the seats. As I began to fill our car, a man and a woman, the owners of the car with the dogs in it, approached me and asked if I had a hanger. They explained that when they had gone into the store to pay for the gas and to get something to eat, one of the dogs had pushed the lock button and locked them out. As others and I looked for some way to help them, they kept trying to convince the dogs to push the button again. When the dogs failed to listen, the man blurted out: “Come on, open the door. What’s the matter, are you stupid or something?” I could not help but smile. Unfortunately, by the time we left, they had not had any luck. Although I have never had that experience, I understand the frustration and anxiety that they must have been feeling. The situation reinforces the importance of not being careless and of expecting the unexpected. I trust that those people ultimately got into their car and are probably laughing about it. I bet they will not leave the keys in the car and the dogs unattended again.

For us, the trip to the beach was fabulous. Never do I remember such warm weather over Columbus Day. Over the years, my daughter and I have made that weekend our daddy/daughter time together. Though she made it clear that her brother’s presence prevented us from counting this as her and my weekend and made me promise that we would do another one by ourselves, we still managed some private time. As seems to be the case every year, the highlight of the weekend was our annual walk on the beach. This time our dog came along with us. As he chased and retrieved things, we reminisced. My daughter noted that her favorite October beach walk had been a long walk we had taken in a driving rain a few years ago. Although I have fond memories from each of our walks, I too remember this one as my favorite.

This year’s walk was captured in two distinct encounters. First, as we traveled along the beach, my daughter commented about the amount of erosion that had taken place over the years. She noted the steepness of the dunes and number of properties that now had staircases leading to the water. It left us wondering what the years to come would bring to the beach. She thought aloud: “Daddy, do you think there is something we can do to slow the erosion?” If not, there’s no guarantee that we and others will be able to enjoy this walk for generations to come. In light of Al Gore’s selection as a co-recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize, her observations and comments were particularly relevant and poignant.

For me, the time was marked by a father and young daughter who were together on the beach. The little girl was just about the age my daughter was when our family began going to this beach. As I watched them play, memories of my own daughter’s growth, and that of our boys, flew through my head. I noted to the father that his daughter was about the age of my daughter when we began making the trip. He smiled and said: “Is that right? I hope my daughter and I are still coming here when she gets to be your daughter’s age.” I smiled, and, though I did not say it, I thought: “I hope we’re still coming here, too!”

Of course, the walk on the beach is a wonderful metaphor. As we strive to understand and find solutions to the erosion on the beach and other environmental issues, we must also wonder how we deal with the fast-changing and, in some ways, deteriorating aspects of life. How do we slow ourselves down to reflect on the things that have made us who we are? And, how do we guarantee that we will be able to understand, appreciate, and enjoy the future?

As we ponder these questions, I am intrigued by the pace and nature of our children’s lives. I am constantly amazed by the number of tasks our kids do at once and the amount of electronic communication that they engage in. It was not long ago that the land-line telephone was the lone mode of immediate communication. Today, cell phones, email, text messaging, and i-chatting dominate our children’s lives. Quite often, our children use more than one mode at a time as they do other things, such as: listen to their iPods (or some other source of music), watch TV, and/or do their homework. Although I tend to do more than one thing at a time myself, I am perplexed by my children’s ability to do so many things at once. I wonder how they do it, why they do it, and what the implications will be. Are they really able to concentrate on one thing at a time? 

Of course, my confusion is enhanced by the amount of time that adolescents spend on the internet. I am anxious about their involvement with social networks such as MySpace.com and Facebook.com. Knowing little, if anything, about these, I wonder about their appeal and their safety. The stories are legion about what people say and do on the net. While there is much good that can come from these networks, there is the potential for children and others to say and do things that are at the very least controversial. Unfortunately, there seems to be little real control in these media. Thus, it is incumbent upon us to have as much information about the realities as possible. We need to understand what our children are doing and, as best we can, to monitor them where appropriate. While Shipley and other schools have offered and will continue to offer programs related to these issues, let me recommend Totally Wired: What Teens and Tweens Are Really Doing Online by Anastasia Goodstein. It is a wonderful resource.

As I look at the different modes of communication, I find texting and i-chatting particularly intriguing. During the day, texting seems to be the most popular mode of communication. Kids do it from anywhere at anytime. It is among the most advanced forms of communication we have. Ironically, as I watch our kids’ thumbs travel at unbelievable speed, I wonder just how much difference evolution has made—texting brings us back to the time when apes did not have functional fingers and relied heavily on their thumbs. In terms of the i-chatting, I never imagined that people would be able to see each other as they talk to one another online. Since they can have up to three or four people on a chat at a time, it is as though they are having their own videoconference. I wonder what will be next.

On a different note, although I was disappointed that the Phillies did not get out of the first round of the playoffs, I was ecstatic to see them win the Eastern Division. In fact, during my sixteen years here, I have been taken aback by the conditional nature of our support for the Phillies and other local teams. Since we are passionate about them and we want them to win, I would expect us to react to their performance and be disappointed when they lose. Unfortunately, all too often, we in Philadelphia react to their losses with a level of venom that appears unhealthy. We seem to revel in their losses. And, though we support them when they are winning, we do not do it unconditionally: we always think the next loss is just around the corner! In turn, the Sunday on which the Phillies clinched the Eastern Division had special meaning. It was the first time I remember every Philly fan I know being happy. I went to work out at the local gym just as the game was about to start. Before the Phillies began, the announcer noted that the Mets were already losing 7-0. The announcement seemed to free people from their anxiety. Although a couple of cynics suggested that the Phillies would lose the game and ultimately not reach the playoffs, the mood quickly shifted when the Phillies scored and everyone became positive. I found myself rooting for the Phillies that much more strongly. When the game ended, there may have been a sense of relief, but there was also a sense of ecstasy. I loved it!

I wonder: is there a better example of process anywhere? The baseball season is 162 games long. There are ups and there are downs, high points and low ones. And, when the last game is over, you know exactly where you stand, at least for the moment. While I am sorry that the Phillies did not go further (I would have loved a Phillies and Red Sox World Series), I am pleased that this year’s season went as it did. It reinforced for all of us the importance of remaining optimistic even when things do not look good. Although I would not expect our support of the Phillies, Eagles, 76ers, Flyers, and other teams to be unconditional in the manner it needs to be for our children, we have to support them and believe in them, even when we are disappointed in their play and want them to do better, just as we always love our children whether they win or lose.

Here is hoping that the issues you face provide you with similar perspective, great resilience, and ultimate success. I look forward to the seasonal changes and the upcoming holidays to provide opportunities for us to reinforce this process. My thoughts are with you. 

Warmest regards,

Steve Piltch
Head of School