Did we really get 13 to 16 inches of snow last week? It’s hard to imagine how all that snow is virtually gone now and how quickly the storm itself is but a fleeting memory. 

On the first day after it snowed, my daughter and I went over to Bryn Mawr College, where we spent several hours sledding. The sledding itself could not have been more fun. We spent quite a bit of time alternating individual and combined runs as we got to know others who were sledding on the same hill. Several times during the day, my daughter reminisced about the storms of years ago when I pulled her and her brothers on a sled into Bryn Mawr to Peché Mignon (which is no longer there), Dunkin’ Donuts, or some other eatery for breakfast or a cup of hot chocolate. That she remembers those experiences speaks to the importance of the activities and actions that create memories and help to shape our lives. Even though I very much enjoyed those sledding trips when they occurred, I had no idea that those experiences would be so important to her.

Each of us has our own bank of personal memories that we carry with us for life. As I think back in my own life, I have vivid recollections of playing (and fighting) with my siblings, athletic contests I competed in, other activities in the neighborhood, and eating meals with my eight siblings and parents. When I was young, I had no idea that many of these things would become so important to me. Certainly, they were not particularly significant in the moment. But now, as a parent, I realize that every interaction that we have with our children makes its mark.

As I thought about the informal events that I recall today, I also remembered the more global events that played a role not just for me, but for others, too. Each of the memories one has comes with a different level of vividness and detail. I suspect that the specifics are influenced by one’s age at the time of the event and its impact on one’s life.

My first recollection is the assassination of President Kennedy on November 22nd 1963. The announcement that he had been shot was made in school, and I ran home to find my mother in tears as she listened to the radio. I returned to the park looking for people with whom I could share the news. Finding no one, I ran over to the local fire station behind the park, purchased a Fanta Orange out of the soda machine, and guzzled the whole thing. Done with the drink, I returned to the park and yelled to anyone who would listen (even though there was no one there) that President Kennedy had been shot. To this day, I recall that event as though I am still the eight-year-old experiencing it for the first time

In similar fashion, I remember the blackout of the Northeast that took place in November of 1965. The two brothers with whom I shared a room and I went to sleep petrified about what was happening. Relieved the following day to learn that it was a power outage, we felt much better. Not surprisingly, there was a huge baby boom the following summer.

From there, I recall the assassinations of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. in April, 1968, and Bobby Kennedy in June of the same year. My next memory does not occur until the assassination attempt on President Reagan in 1981. Then, it was the Challenger explosion on January 28, 1986, which is my most recent memory until the assassination of Yitzhak Rabin in November of 1995 and then the events of 9/11. (Isn’t it interesting that we refer to 9/11 without any mention of the year, 2001? These events, which were markedly different from anything else I have recalled, have left indelible memories for virtually everyone who was old enough to experience the day. Its impact will continue to be sorted out for generations to come.)

Certainly, other significant events have taken place over the years that do not come to immediate recall for me. At the same time, the events I have listed may not appear on someone else’s list, and if they do, they may be seen very differently from the way I remember them. I’m sure you and your children have your own list of personal and global life-shaping events that you can remember. Over the past months, I’ve had the chance to come to grips with many of my global ones in a very direct fashion that has forced me to relive the moments in an explicit way.

In December, a number of students, colleagues, and I attended The People of Color Conference in Dallas, Texas. Although the conference itself was superb, my strong memory of that trip revolves around our visit to the Museum at the Book Depository Building, where Lee Harvey Oswald allegedly stood and shot President Kennedy. President Kennedy grew up just two blocks from where I lived as a child. To say he was an inspiration to those of us in the neighborhood is an understatement. To stand on the spot where Lee Harvey Oswald stood and to recall all of the events on that November 22nd was eerie.

Then, last month, my wife and daughter and I went to New York City, where we attended the first United Nations Memorial Assembly for holocaust survivors. It took place on Jan. 27, the 61st anniversary of the liberation of Auschwitz. Gerda Klein, a holocaust survivor who has spoken here, and whom I have written about many times, was the keynote speaker, recounting her experience. For me, it was a powerful moment; for my daughter, it was, and will be, life-shaping.

That evening, after a lovely dinner, we found ourselves going down to Ground Zero, which, for any number of reasons, I had not visited since the attack took place. Once again, I found myself replaying the events of history. For my daughter, 9/11 was a life-changing experience similar to what Kennedy’s assassination was to me. We had a great talk as we hugged and walked. Coincidentally, the anniversary of the Challenger disaster was the next day, and we watched a brief television special on Christa McAuliffe. When you talk to people about the Challenger disaster, the vast majority remember her passing but remember few if any of the others who died that day. Nevertheless the families and friends of  Dick Scobee, Michael Smith, Judith Reznik, Ronald McNair, Ellison Inizuka, and Greg Jarvis continue to mourn some twenty years later.

It’s not possible to know in advance of the informal or formal events that will create permanent memories or shape our lives. Therefore, it is important that we approach each interaction with our children understanding that every one of them will at least become part of the background by which they function. If we can use those experiences to create a safe and secure environment in which the children feel as though they belong and are loved, they will have a better chance to deal with the larger events, no matter how traumatic they might be. Regardless of how much we love our children, we can never love them too much!

With spring break rapidly approaching, I hope you will find the opportunity to create some special moments with your children that allow them and you to feel especially good as you prepare for the final stretch of the school year. My thoughts and wishes are with you.

Warmest regards,

Steven S. Piltch
Head of School

P.S. As you may recall, Lookout Management, Inc. administered surveys to our parents, students, and colleagues earlier in the year. I will be writing to you about the results in the next couple of weeks. In addition, we have put an extra Heads’ Forum on the calendar for Wednesday night, May 10, 2006 at 7:30 p.m. in the Avery Silverman Dining Room, when Kevin Graham of Lookout Management will give a comprehensive presentation for parents. It should be a worthwhile evening, and I hope you will find a way to attend. We will remind you of the date as it approaches.