Earlier this month we had our first All-School Assembly of the year, and I could not have been happier. During the assembly we welcomed our 875 students to the new school year and had the pleasure of seeing our mighty oaks, our seniors, present pencil boxes to our little acorns, our Pre-Kers and Kindergartners. This ceremony has become a wonderful tradition. It is a rite of passage not just for our Pre-Kers and Kindergartners, but also for our seniors. In fact, for sixteen of those seniors, who themselves were little acorns here once, it was an extra special event. As the Head of School and parent of a 12th grader, I found my mind racing with memories of watching those seniors who were here in Pre K or Kindergarten become little acorns. As I pondered where the time had gone and how much they had grown during it, I found myself incredibly touched, realizing that my son and all of our seniors will be on their way very soon and that our Pre-Kers and Kindergartners will become mighty oaks before we know it.

Watching this event and others in recent weeks, I’ve come to realize that each time one of our children experiences a rite of passage, such as starting school, playing in a first game, changing divisions, becoming confirmed or b’nai mitzvah, graduating from school, or going to college, it is a rite of passage not just for the child but also for the parents/guardians of that child. As each of our children faces a hurdle or a change, we do the same, even though we may not realize it. When our first child goes to school, we are concerned about his/her transition and adjustment and actually feel his/her angst as well our own. In similar fashion, our children’s graduation and matriculation to college redefines their relationships with us and changes our day-to-day lives in a very direct manner; as they learn to be off on their own, we must learn to live without them on a daily basis. We know from experience that when our children are young, we hurt as they hurt. In fact, and as I have said before, as parents we tend to do only as well or as our least-well-doing child. Thus, it is important for us to come to grips with our own emotions and anxieties as we help our children deal with their experiences.

This morning, in welcoming the school, our school president, Nate Bronstein, provided some wonderful advice for all of us, students and adults alike, as we enter into the school year. Speaking of Shipley and the people in it, he quoted Confucius: “Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.” He went on to say, “I could have come up here and gone off on some whimsical tale about how all of you will succeed and be great at everything. But I cannot and I will not, because the fact of the matter is, you will not always succeed and you will not always be completely happy.… That being said, whether you are bristling with confidence or not, whether you are a mighty oak or a little acorn, every one of you has absolutely everything you need to succeed, excel, and be happy at Shipley.” As I pondered his words, I realized he was delivering exactly the same message that, as a coach, I gave to my teams: “In order to truly learn how to win, you must first learn to lose.”

In essence, whether it is in day-to-day life in the classroom, on the field, on the stage, or somewhere else, it is important to establish goals and set high expectations. And, while it is wonderful and fulfilling to achieve those goals, it is the process that ultimately defines the experience and allows each of us to develop the long-term skills to be successful. This is true in every area of life. While here at Shipley we strive to educate the whole child and we want our students to develop their critical thinking skills and their ability to express themselves in both the written and spoken word, we also want them to develop the confidence, ability, and willingness to take risks in the classroom, on the field and courts, in the art room, and in other areas. In order to reach their potential in these areas and in life, it is necessary for them to experience disappointment and frustration and to develop the perseverance and resilience necessary to learn from the disappointment. If our students (and we) commit ourselves to the process of growth and see each situation as an opportunity for it, we will all maximize our chances of enjoying the process and achieving our best. In fact, passion, compassion, perseverance, and resilience may be the most important qualities for our children to develop in order to function effectively and to be happy in life.

As we move forward into the 2007-08 school year, I urge you to join me in supporting our students to develop the strength and confidence to take appropriate risks, in giving them the space to be autonomous and independent, and in developing our own personal strength to be there for them, regardless of the situation. As our children get older and move closer to college age, our goal for them should be to have enough confidence to make their own decisions and have the sense of responsibility to be accountable for what they do. For them to get there, we must all set our expectations high and challenge and support them. If we do, they have the best chance to thrive, and we have the best chance of dealing with their rites of passage in the calmest and most effective manner for them and for us. Moreover, it will give us the best appreciation for them as individuals and help us find joy, peace, and fulfillment in our own lives. Isn’t that what life is all about?

If you would like to read a wonderful book about changing cultures, rites of passage, and providing children with opportunities to learn, let me recommend Three Cups of Tea: One Man’s Mission to Fight Terrorism and Build Nations…One School at a Time by Greg Mortenson and David Oliver Relin. It is Mortenson’s personal story and follows his quest to change the world through education. It tracks his efforts as he builds schools in the most remote areas of Pakistan and Afghanistan. Many of our colleagues read the book this summer and enjoyed it a great deal. We are having our own colleague book chat about it later in the fall.

As I think about the growth and warmth of our own community, I hope to see you at Super Saturday on September 29th and the Shipley Shops, October 18th through 20th. The preview party for Shops, the evening of the 17th, is always an enjoyable event shared by parents, colleagues, and friends of the School. Not unlike our Welcome Back Barbeque, which drew so many people throughout the School, these events bring us together, Pre K – 12, and reinforce our commitment to being one school.

Enjoy the weeks to come. I am still rooting for the Phillies and Red Sox, and I look forward to seeing you soon.

Warmest regards,

Steve Piltch
Head of School