The Shipley School: News: Letters from the Head of School

August 2003

Dear Shipley Families:

It is fall again. Some of our Upper School students are already back for pre-season sports practice, and in just a few days the 2003-04 school year will officially begin. As it does, the memories of a wonderful (but wet) summer will linger in my mind. Although I have thoroughly enjoyed the season and time off, I’m looking forward to welcoming all of our students to school.

I hope the summer provided you and your family with the opportunity to have some special time together. For us, it was filled with day camp experiences for our three children, and time away together for the entire family. For one week, we enjoyed the slower pace of Lewes, Delaware. I loved the time we had on the beach, playing scrabble, and hanging out together, as well as the visits from friends during that week. We also traveled to Boston to spend time with my family and to New Jersey, Vermont, and Montréal. Having never been to Montréal before, I found myself in awe of this French-speaking city. Interestingly, although French is the primary language of the area, virtually everyone speaks English. The culture of the city is amazing. There are so many opportunities. One of the attractions we enjoyed most was a wonderful and exciting rapids ride on the Saint Lawrence River.

In New Jersey we visited some friends and went to a soccer exhibition between England’s Manchester United and Italy’s Juventas, two of the premier teams in the world. It was the most enjoyable professional sports event that I have ever attended. The 78,000-plus people in the crowd were passionate and involved but very well controlled. They clearly enjoyed seeing top level soccer. I am hoping that the Women’s World Cup which will be held in this country beginning in September will bring similar interest and enthusiasm.

Just as in other summers, I have been amazed by the ongoing growth of our children and their friends. It seemed as though every time I turned around they were getting bigger. This was borne out when we bought them their school clothes for the year. They are all wearing markedly larger sizes than they were a year ago. In fact, our oldest son, who is in his final year of Middle School, is just about to pass me in height. With our daughter entering Middle School and our youngest about to enter third grade, I am feeling older and bracing for the full effects of adolescent children.

As I have said many times before, even though children’s physical growth is the most obvious part of their development, it is only a small part of their overall maturing. While other aspects of their growth—intellectual, social, and emotional—may be more subtle, each is apparent in virtually everything our children do. Moreover, it is the growth of the entire person that is most important. As children get older, their thought processes and concerns change. As they see the world differently and try to make sense of it, the changes are confusing to them and to us. It means that we as parents need to grow, too!

As parents we want to understand our children and help them make sense of their evolving place in the world. When they change physically, we can see it, understand it, and cope with it by getting them the appropriate clothes. Unfortunately, their internal changes are not as easily figured out. Since the children don’t always know it is happening and cannot explain it to us, we are left with an uncertainty and ambivalence that stays with us to one degree or another until the children become young adults and are out on their own. Along the way, we must know when and how to hold on to them and when and how to let go, so they can take the risks necessary to become the people they should become. Interestingly, this issue is at play regardless of their age. At each stage of their life there are different risks that they need to take. In turn, we as parents need to come to grips with them along the way. It tends to be easier for our children than for us as parents.