As I drove down Lancaster Avenue last Saturday just an hour after the storm had begun, cars were swirling back and forth and I saw a couple of fender benders. What would normally have been a 10 to 15 minute ride took almost a half hour. The conditions had made me somewhat anxious, and I was relieved to pull into our driveway.

Once I got into the house, the snow had an entirely different effect on me. I found myself lulled virtually to sleep by its quiet beauty as it quickly covered the ground. As the day wore on, the snow became deeper with nary a car on the roads. By sundown I was excited about the prospect of experiencing it first hand. After a late dinner, our two oldest children and I decided to take our dog for a walk in Bryn Mawr. As we battled the cold and the wind and ten inches of snow, we reminisced about winters gone by. The kids reminded me of times years ago when they were younger and I pulled them into town on their sleds to go to Peché Mignon (a restaurant that closed about two years ago), Dunkin Donuts, and other places. Smiles came to our faces as the kids remembered and talked about our excursions. It reminded me of how important those memories are in our lives and the lives of our children. We can’t underestimate the impact that events like these have. I love the memories of those walks, and while the kids are now a little older and minus the sleds, there was something special about the walk during this past snow storm. I will forget neither the conversations nor the snowball fight we had along the way.

Of course, the relative maturity of our kids can be seen in virtually every area of life. While some aspects of their growth are easier to understand and handle than others, their passage through high school often leaves us as parents conflicted about their development and our own roles. We have to find a balance between providing them with direction and support and accepting their point of view, even when it is different from ours. This conflict is inherent in virtually every activity involving our teenage children. When our children have friends over we need to supervise them so that they are safe and not tempted to do anything foolish, yet not inhibit them from having a good time. While we often say that we want them to be independent and autonomous, we only mean this when they make the decisions we want them to make. Too often we are not prepared for the decisions they do make, and they are not interested in our input.

As I talked about this and my own experiences as a parent with a number of parents at an Upper School tea, they were in agreement that as the kids get older, in some ways parenting becomes harder and harder. We know that as our children mature, there is a greater predisposition to get involved with risky behavior. While it would be great on some levels to eliminate this behavior, I’m not sure it would be realistic or helpful in the long run. As kids learn to make their own decisions and become more autonomous and independent, they are bound to make some wrong decisions. When this happens, we need to be there with the hope that none of the decisions become life-altering. As one of the parents said to me, “You’d think it gets easier when they graduate; it doesn’t.” My mother said it simply by noting, “When you’re little, there are little problems; when you’re big, there are big problems.”

Clearly, good parenting is more easily talked about than achieved. Nevertheless, some of the parents with whom I spoke agreed that the entire process of parenting is made somewhat easier when parents talk about the challenges and share the responsibility to keep our teenagers safe. This made me think of the book It Takes A Village by Hillary Rodham Clinton, which happens to be one of my favorite books to read to our Lower School students. Although the book revolves around the care of a toddler, it is applicable to all children and parents.

Moreover, the book, not unlike Shipley’s mission, speaks to the importance of working together in order to improve the quality of life for people outside our own community. While we see this kind of behavior regularly, it is important to acknowledge the wonderful efforts of the students, parents, and teachers who made it possible to raise over $15,000 for the Tsunami Relief Fund and who worked together on the various activities of Martin Luther King Day. It is nice to know that compassionate participation in the world is a part of so many people’s lives.

Finally, it’s incredibly exciting to have the Eagles and the Patriots in the Super Bowl. With the weather as it was for the NFC championship game, my wife, our three children, and I all watched the game together. As a life-long Patriots fan who moved here almost thirteen years ago, I cannot imagine a better match-up. While I myself may not want to admit it, I will make the plunge to be a true Philadelphian for this Super Bowl and root for the Eagles. Whether the Eagles win or lose, and I do hope the Eagles win, they’ve had a wonderful year. Go Eagles!

Warmest regards,
Steven S. Piltch
Head of School

P.S. Please don’t forget that our next Heads’ Forums will take place on Thursday, February 10 at 7:00 p.m. in the Avery Silverman Dining Hall and on Friday, February 11 at 1:00 p.m. in Beechwood. Among other things, we will talk about the finances of the School. Also, please remember that reenrollment contracts are due back on February 18.