Is the tooth fairy real? Why does the story of Peter Pan go on forever?

A couple of weeks ago our youngest child lost a tooth. When I asked him if he was going to put it under his pillow so the tooth fairy could reward him accordingly, he said with a grin on his face, “Daddy, you and Mommy are the tooth fairy! I’ve known for a long time, plus Mommy told me so!” I was devastated!

Right then in that moment, I thought back to when I was a child, and my siblings had shared with me that our parents were a.k.a. “the tooth fairy.” As much as I knew this to be the case, I continued on with the ruse throughout my childhood and have done so throughout my adulthood. There is something innocent about believing in the tooth fairy that makes life easier and better. In similar fashion it’s exactly the reason that Peter Pan, and so many other mythical characters, live on in us and shape our lives. 

Most children look forward to growing up and becoming adults. They judge their lives based on rites of passage and milestones. As Lower School students, they look forward to Middle School. In Middle School, they think about Upper School. Once in Upper School, they think about college. This track seems to continue until we reach adulthood and find ourselves wanting to be younger, or at least to keep the child alive in us. This paradox is one we face in our personal development as well as in our roles as parents. As our children go through these stages, part of us as parents can’t wait for our children to grow up and become more independent; yet, as they grow and mature, we find ourselves reminiscing about the stages they have been through, yearning for them to be there again.

The very things we want them to do on their own, we wish we could do for them. For a long time I looked forward to the day when our youngest child would be completely capable of putting himself to bed, not needing any help from his mother or me. Now that he does this on his own, I find myself wanting to return to the task that I once found so frustrating. I feel torn between my desire to see him grow up and be independent, and at the same time, wanting to keep him young. Many other parents experience the same ambivalence. A parent whose youngest child is now in college recently observed: “Time flew by. It seems like just the other day when we watched him go off to kindergarten. Now, he is on his own, and so are we.” The last part of his comment is very telling. The parent went on to say that he and his wife had spent so much of their time looking forward to their youngest child’s growth and their own independence that they may not have enjoyed as much of their child’s life as they could have. Ironically, as much as they like being independent, they wish that they still had their children at home.

Knowing that many children wish for nothing more than to be older and that many adults wish for nothing more than to be younger, it is not surprising that parents with older children look enviously at parents with younger children. And they look at the younger children with smiles on their faces, fondly remembering the earlier days that they may have found difficult. Our memory allows us to forget the challenges and to create a romantic notion about the earlier times. This points to our desire to keep our children young and thus keep us young. It reinforces the importance of enjoying each moment that we go through with our children. It’s not an easy task.

On Martin Luther King Day I saw first-hand the efforts of parents and students to appreciate each other and to share common experiences as they participated in service projects in and out of the School. Certainly, King, who knew the power of the word and the impact of action, believed that reaching to others in a positive and productive manner is the best way to effect change. As I think of this incredibly charismatic individual and his impact on our country, I can hear his “I Have a Dream” speech in my head. I remember his urging us to judge each other not by the color of our skin but the content of our character. If we are to help our children become the best adults possible, we must remember to heed King’s words and appreciate our children and others for the people they are without wishing the time away.

Here at Shipley, we try hard to instill in our students the ability to understand themselves, others around them, and the world. In our efforts to provide members of this community with a better understanding of the way students of different backgrounds and races view the world, our Diversity Team has invited Gary Howard to speak to our parents and faculty on February 17 and to our students on February 18. Gary is the author of We Can’t Teach What We Don’t Know. He is articulate, knowledgeable, and interesting. I hope you can come hear him. (More information >>>)

In the entertainment field, we will have the privilege of hosting The African Episcopal Church of St. Thomas Gospel Choir. The program, which will benefit the Cindy Ebert Scholarship Fund, will be held in Riely Theatre on February 11 at 7:30 p.m. Our own select singing groups, the Madrigals and Madriguys, will participate in the performance. Tickets will be available at the door, adults - $8, students - $5. I hope you will be able to make it. (More information >>>)

Finally, when the NFL playoffs began, I was hoping for an Eagles-Patriots Super Bowl. As a native of Boston and a resident here, I would have been able to root for both teams (and my brother would have treated me to the Super Bowl). Although it was disappointing to see the Eagles fall to the Panthers in the NFC Championship game on Sunday, I am looking forward to the finals and will be rooting for the Patriots to win their second Super Bowl in three years. I am hopeful that the 2004 football season will again find the Eagles to be championship contenders and that it will be the year they win the Super Bowl.

I look forward to seeing you soon.

Warmest regards,

Steven S. Piltch
Head of School