October, 2003

Dear Shipley Families:

When I began thinking about this month’s letter I was hoping to write about the end of a curse for either the Boston Red Sox or Chicago Cubs. Unfortunately, the New York Yankees and Florida Marlins made this impossible. Even though neither the Red Sox nor Cubs overcame their past to win this year’s World Series, both teams were fun to follow. As an ardent Red Sox fan, I watched or listened to as much of the team’s play as my schedule allowed. Watching late into the night in the final Red Sox–Yankees game, I was hoping against hope that they would overcome their demons, when our youngest son, who was up well beyond his bedtime, picked his head up off my lap and asked, “Daddy, does this make me a Red Sox fan?” His query brought a smile to my face and put things in proper perspective. It reinforced for me that even in defeat there is victory.

Throughout the fall I have hurried home whenever possible to play baseball in the back yard with my youngest son and daughter. Their interest has piqued mine. As we have practiced hitting, fielding, and pitching, I have been intrigued by their growing appreciation of the sport. While working on their skills and simulating game situations, they have imagined themselves as major league players. This has brought back memories of my own childhood when my siblings and I lived in a similar fantasy world as we strove to get better. Growing up in Boston in the 1960s, we were very provincial. We always chose to be Bill Monboquette, Jim Lonborg or Dick Radatz as pitchers. The hitters were Tony Congiliaro, Carl Yastrzemski, and Rico Petrocelli. Almost forty years later, my children are more global in their view of the game. Although they have become Red Sox fans, in their games they are Pedro Martinez (Red Sox), or Mark Prior (Cubs), Nomar Garciaparra (Red Sox), Barry Bonds (Giants), Ivan Rodriguez (Marlins) or Albert Pujols (Cardinals). I love it.

As I think back to my childhood, I also remember the many sports we played in the neighborhood and at the park. Although Little League Baseball and Pop Warner Football existed, most of our play was carried on informally without leagues. Sports had specific seasons in interscholastic play, but knew no such thing on the playground. We played basketball, baseball, and touch football year round. If the weather was good, we were at the park. Some days we played all three sports (unless someone was hurt and could not play). We had no officials. Although we had more than our share of fights and differences, we always seemed to work them out and return the next day to play again. In fact, this process, more than any other I know, helped me and many others develop the ability to deal with adversity and disappointment and to understand right and wrong. It better enabled us to understand and deal with the expectations of being a team member when we played organized sports. It helped us develop perspective about sports and life and provided us with an informal course in conflict resolution. It was a form of character development that transcended our involvement in sports and allowed us to develop the personal and interpersonal skills that helped define our ability to function as adults.

Times have changed. Pick-up games are few and far between. Most of today’s play takes place through organized leagues run by adults in the community. Even “playdates” are formally organized by adults. The times, culture, and other factors make it difficult for our children to get together informally. We plan our children’s activities in a structured and controlled manner and, in many regards, take full responsibility for their happiness. Although there are benefits to the organized leagues, “playdates,” and other activities, I wonder about their impact on our children’s development. There are times when our children are significantly overscheduled; this makes it impossible for them (and us) to relax and for them to have time to be children. They don’t learn from doing things on their own because everything is scheduled and formalized.