February 28, 2019

Dear Shipley Families and Friends,

Each and every year, I am reminded that although February is the shortest month in the calendar year, it often feels like the longest month of the school year. Generally speaking, the shorter days, wintery weather, and busy schedule tend to have a negative impact on people’s frame of mind and productivity. In turn, it is essential to check in with ourselves and to do things that contribute positively to our well-being, even though it might take extra effort. I am hoping that focusing on taking good care of ourselves in this way will sustain all of us as we head towards spring break and then to the end of the school year.

This month, I have been reflecting on goals and objectives for our students, particularly as it relates to their ability to engage effectively and thoughtfully in a world that is increasingly complex – but also increasingly lacking in thoughtful dialogue. It has long been clear to me that we need to help our students develop critical thinking skills and the ability to express their thoughts clearly and articulately, in both spoken and written word, so that their perspectives can be heard, understood, appreciated, and respected. At the same time, we must ensure that our students learn to listen, understand, and appreciate others’ views. If we are successful, students will be able to engage with the expectation that their opinions might actually change and, even if they don’t, they still learn from disagreements.

While we know that disappointment and disagreement can be the basis for growth, we see in our country today that this capacity for growth and mutual understanding seems almost impossible when two people or groups of people disagree. Why, I wonder, is this the case? Too often it seems that we are unwilling, unable, and perhaps uninterested in considering others’ views. Our own ideas have become increasingly tied to our identity in a way that means that others’ views are not even considered. As a result, people do not communicate thoughtfully with each other, and discussions of issues of consequence (such as race, religion, and politics) become counterproductive or are avoided. We need to find a way to talk about issues and concerns that make us uncomfortable. We must find a way to make that discomfort into a passion for moving things forward in a productive way.

Of course for this to happen, we must create trust, develop mutually shared objectives, and identify ground rules for productive discussions regardless of our individual perspectives. During the recent professional development day here at Shipley, I observed this phenomenon take place as I listened to Iris-Louise Williamson, Middle School English teacher and Upper School girls’ varsity lacrosse coach, present “A History of Words: Exploring the Consumption and Impact of the ‘N-word’ in Our School Communities,” adapted from a workshop from the National Association of Independent Schools’ 2018 People of Color Conference. Acknowledging that this topic elicits great emotion in many people, she began the process by establishing the guidelines for our group work.

Recognizing that there may be many different points of view, it was clear that it would be easier to understand them and appreciate them if our group agreed to the following community conversation norms from the People of Color Conference Affinity Group work:

• honor confidentiality;
• assume positive intent; speak from the ‘I’ perspective;
• listen, listen, listen, then respond;
• take risks; say ‘ouch’ (when something said was hurtful);
• be fully present;
• lean into discomfort;
• be crisp, say what is core;
• treat the candidness of others as a gift; and
• suspend judgment of yourself and others.

Of course, these guidelines can be helpful in any group considering any issue. And, when we deal with our students/children, it is especially important to take such an approach so we can hear them and help them process openly and healthily. This becomes easier to practice when we understand the goals of the conversation and the way that participants might be approaching the conversation with their varied lived experiences. Penn Professor Howard Stevenson, who spends much of his time working in communities to create better understanding and more respect around issues of race, has identified three such categories for conversation:

• Correction – correcting misperceptions the world has about people who are diverse
• Protection – monitoring and following up on emotional responses
• Affection – embracing differences

And, Iris offered us a fourth category that captures the essence of her role and others’ roles as teachers (or parents):

• Education – grounding the work in concrete learning outcomes to foster learning and understanding

By the way, If you are not familiar with Professor Stevenson, you might read “Facing the Moment: Professor Howard Stevenson on Managing Racial Conflict Through Racial Literacy” by Juliana Rosati about the importance of racial literacy training.

Iris offered these ideas to participating colleagues in her presentation. Her approach seemed to free the room and help the individuals come to grips with their own views on the power of language. I believe that this process can be applicable to every possible issue. Said simply – if we’re able to acknowledge our emotional involvement in an issue and take a step back, to deal with it in both an emotional and objective way, think about the ramifications of the comment or the behavior, and deal with uncomfortable topics, we will be able to communicate in a productive manner. In turn, it is essential for us to be conscious of using this process ourselves whenever we are involved in a conversation and to work with our children/students to do the same.

In essence, the work we do asks us to put openness and understanding in education at the heart of everything we do. As Nelson Mandela suggested, “Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world.” In fact, we need to use it to change ourselves, first; to listen to others, second; and to change the world, third.

Here’s to hoping the weeks ahead help us all take good care of ourselves, allow us to see without judgment, attend to students/kids and family members, and appreciate those around us in a special way. My thoughts and wishes are with you and yours.

Warmest regards,